This is for you, Uncle Charlie

I missed you before I got the call. When dad called me on Tuesday night and blurted the news that you were gone all I could think of was how thankful I was for the past few months between us. We had such a good time just talking about "stuff". Sometimes we would talk for so long that I wanted to keep it a secret from dad because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I just had so much fun. Even through my tears as I write, I am able to spontaneously laugh about how hard we laughed a few weeks ago about *******. Silly, I know, but it was so incredibly funny.

Contrary to what some may have thought of you, I think you were an incredible man. I wish everyone knew the side of you that I did. You had incredible strength inside of you, both physically and mentally. Hey, not everyone gets to brag about the fact that their blood has the strength of an Olympic swimmer or the intelligence to speak 3 languages fluently. Didn't you swim next to Mark Spitz in the 70's? Actually, I know you did. What a privilege it must have been. Your knowledge of history is somehow more impressive then the BS you have in physics, but your ability to read others was a talent greater then your strength and knowledge combined.

You are my blood. You understood me. I was just telling you the other night how hard it is for me to no not self sabotage my efforts when I get so close to finishing something. I was being so hard on myself and you put me back into reality. You told me how important it is to not let my intelligence scare me. (Intelligence? what?). You actually know I know better. I am smart and I will finish school. It was encouraging to hear that I'm not alone on being scared of myself though. Oh how I wish you had understood yourself more before you got into so much trouble.

You always got me because we are so much alike. Rebels by nature and obsequious almost to a fault. You said you mother was that way too. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all. It is amazing how we are so much alike yet we are so incredibly different. You said it was because of how amazing my mother is and how she did so right by us. I couldn't agree more!

Remember telling me about how much fun it was when all of us would stay with you. You had to promise to have us dressed and at church on time but it wasn't too hard. You had Rachael there to help you. You were always impressed with how much of a leader she was; down to earth, smart as a whip, and such a good leader. You never doubted she would grow up to be anything other then a doctor. Ryan, such a good brother. He could take all of us girls down at once yet when we would gang up on him he wouldn't even flinch. You knew he was going to grow up to be such a good husband and father. It takes a real man to hold back his own strength. You loved his wife Lisa too. Always praising her for being such a good wife to your nephew. Lori, you always saw as responsible and practical. You said she was a good sister for me to have so close because she keeps me in check. (I definitely agree). No hard feelings at all when you say you always thought of Francie as the prettiest. You remembered her as always having the most adorable face and the happiest spirit. She was always smiling and clueless of anything less then positive. Finally, you mentioned how much you missed of Francie and Natalie because they were the youngest. You just loved how much fun Natalie was. You felt like a kid all over again every time you saw her. You two were so hilarious at the restaurant we went to in the city when we came through to visit. She still thinks of you as being such a FUN uncle.

Because I know that your time was limited with us, I wasn't as initially shocked as I thought I should be. I thought I would have had more of a warning. The first thing I said to my dad when he called was "Dad, at least he didn't die of AIDS". To most people, that may seem odd. If you were here, you would have been proud of me. We all knew you have been living with AIDS for a long time. The worst part of the whole disease is the fact that the people you meant the most to, would have to watch you die. You wouldn't give into the disease though. You had such a zest for life that even a disease as powerful as yours couldn't win. Your doctors were so impressed with you too. As tragic as your death was/is, I am grateful that you didn't have to loose the battle. Even in death, you survived.

I will miss you more then anyone can possibly understand. You have been a window into my heritage and the information that you have shared with me is a treasure.

Less then a week before you died we talked about life and death. You said God must have a good reason for you to still be here with us. It was then that I told you that God is so generous that He gives us the opportunity to decide whether we will accept His gift of eternal life. I said He must be waiting for an answer from you. I truely believe your decision was made before the 4 days later when you were killed. I trust God and know that He respects our decisions. He was waiting for you Uncle Charlie. That's why you were still alive.


*Charlie died on March 3, 2008. He was inside his home with his beloved dog Baby when his house burnt to the ground.